Derek JAMES Richardson

Derek Richardson
28/10/2000
Newcastle upon tyne
A lovely Mam&Dad and close Sister
Suicide

FOR 7 YEARS SINCE MY SON DEREK (DEX) TO HIS MATES DIED, MY DAUGHTER JOY AND I HAVE TALKED ALL THE TIME ABOUT HIM, WE HAVE EVEN WROTE LETTERS TO HIM BUT NO WHERE TO SEND THEM, WE HAVE GONE THROUGH EVERY EMOTION FROM MISSING HIM, LOVING HIM, HATING HIM FOR LEAVING US, WANTING REVENGE ON OTHERS WHO WE THINK DROVE HIM TO IT, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY HE COMMITTED SUICIDE HE DID IT TO HIMSELF. I WAS MARRIED TO HIS DAD AND HAD PROBLEMS CONCIEVING BUT ON THE 17th AUGUST 1972, AFTER 7 YEARS DEREK WAS BORN, TO US HE WAS BEAUTIFUL, WE DECIDED IF IT TOOK 7 YEARS TO HAVE DEREK JAMES (THE NAME WAS DEREK AFTER HIS DAD AND JAMES AFTER BOTH HIS GRANDDADS, SO IT WAS BIG DEREK LITTLE DEREK TILL HIS MATES CALLED HIM DEX), WELL HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET WE HAD OUR DAUGHTER JOY THE NEXT YEAR (HER NAME SAYS IT ALL), THEY WERE LIKE TWINS FROM THE START, TO SKIP A FEW YEARS LIFE WAS NORMAL WITH UP AND DOWNS.

DEREK NEVER HAD MUCH TO DO WITH LASSES HE GOT ENGAGED TO THE FIRST GIRL FRIEND THEN GOT ON WITH SAM WHO WAS SEVEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM, AFTER TWO YEARS THEY GOT MARRIED EVERYTHING SEEMED GREAT, HE WAS 28 AND SAM WAS 21 I THINK HE WAS MORE SETTLED DOWN READY FOR A FAMILY, I THINK THEIR WAS MONEY PROBLEMS NOT BLAMING SAM BECAUSE DEREK WAS ALWAYS SPOILT, HE ALWAYS LIVED BEYOND HIS MEANS, SHE LEFT HIM, HE WAS DEVASTATED NOT TO GO IN MANY DETAILS HE TOLD JOY HE WAS GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE ON THE TUESDAY, SO SHE AND HER HUSBAND MARK MOVED IN WITH HIM SHE TOLD ME WHAT HE HAD SAID, BUT WHEN I GOT THEIR DEREK BEING THE LAD HE WAS NOT SHOWING HIS FEELINGS, TOLD ME THE ONLY WAY HE WOULD COMMIT SUICIDE WAS IF OUR YOUNGEN (THE NAME HE CALLED JOY) STAYED ANY LONGER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TOLD JOY IF SHE SAID ANYTHING TO ANYONE ELSE SHE BETTER GET OUT, ON THE FRIDAY HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT WITH HIS MATES HE DID NOT GO AND COMMITTED SUICIDE, HE NEVER DONE ANYTHING BY HALFS HE DRANK A BOTTLE OF SOUTHERN COMFORT AND TOOK ABOUT 74 ESCASTY PILLS, EVEN IF HE HAD BEEN FOUND STRAIGHT WAY IT WOULD OF BEEN NO GOOD, HE LEFT A 3 PAGE LETTER TELLING US HOW MUCH HE LOVED US WHICH WAS A GREAT COMFORT, HIS FUNERAL SONGS ETC, BUT HE COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT SAM.

I FELT I HAD A WHOLE IN MY HEART I COULD NOT FILL I ENDED PUTTING ON 6 STONE, LEFT A GOOD JOB I HAD DONE FOR OVER 20 YEARS. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY ANYBODY GOING THROUGH THE SAME I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS IT BUT TIME IS A GREAT HEALER, ITS GOT TO BE BECAUSE NOTHING CAN EVER HURT YOU AS MUCH ANYMORE. I WAS TOLD TO IMAGINE IN LIFE WE HAVE 7 ROADS AHEAD OF US AND WE MUST CHOOSE WHICH ONE TO GO DOWN, DEREK WAS LIKE A HORSE WITH BLINKERS ON, THE ONLY ROAD HE COULD SEE WAS THE ROAD WITHOUT SAM, HE COULD NOT GO DOWN IT ALONE.

JUST 1 MORE THING THEIR IS ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO IS WORSE OFF THAN YOU, THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS SITTING NEXT TO A LOVELY WOMAN AT THE CLUB, WHEN ROBBIE WILLIAMS (ANGELS) CAME ON, SHE HAD TEARS IN HER EYES , SHE EXPLAINED THEY PLAYED THE SONG AT HER HUSBAND & SONS FUNERAL, SHE TOLD ME HER SON HAD COMMITTED SUICIDE HUNG HIMSELF IN THE GARAGE, HE WAS 41 HAD A GOOD JOB, OWN HOUSE AND A BOY OF 12. HER HUSBAND GOT THE NEWS AND HAD A HEART ATTACK AND DIED.

WE NEVER STOP LOVING THEM AS THE YEARS GO BY, THEY ARE ALWAYS IN OUR THOUGHTS AND HEARTS, WHEN PEOPLE ASK HOW DO YOU GO ON LIVING, I JUST SAY GOD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE PAIN THAN YOU CAN BE BARE. THANK YOU MY SON DEREK FOR 28 YEARS
MEMORIES LAST FOREVER
LOVING MAM VIVIENNE
XXXXXXXXXX